they always tell you, "stay inside the lines."
but something's better on the other side...

oh, sweet frivolity.

Can I just say, right now I have no thoughts or opinions on anything neither deep nor insightful, and on this glorious spring day when everything seemed to be going right, the thing that most boosted my spirits when I looked in the mirror this morning was...wait for it...my hair. Oh yes. I'm going to throw away every notion of self consciousness when I say, my hair looks damn good right now. And it hasn't, all semester. I've got typical asian hair - just way too thick and resilient for me to ever be able to do anything creative with it, so I just used to wear it long, and let it do whatever it wanted. But after a while I always started to itch, I got bored, and my mom would inevitably convince me to take it to the metal with her style of choice, and i'd always hate it. It was a vicious cycle - grow. get sick of it. cut. freak. cry. grow. get sick of it. cut. freak. cry. you get the idea. But this time, I think i got it right. Last month I did some layers in the front myself with more meticulousness than usual, and even though it looked weird at the time, now it's starting to look less awkward and more...sweet. I don't care what anybody says, I'm never taking anyone else's advice about my hair from now on (love you mom). no matter how badly she wants me to look like Cyd Charisse, Reese Witherspoon, or her, I will not succumb. I just don't look good with straight-across-the-forehead bangs, my face shape just isn't conducive to that kokeshi doll kind of haircut (the last and final attempt occurring over winter break, where it was just short beyond reason and painfully weird looking.) anyway, hurrah! the awkward phase is over! so excuse me as I toss my mane in the sunlight and carry on with my day. aren't you glad you got to read about it??

Foolish Love.

I don't want to hold you and feel so helpless
I don't want to smell you and lose my senses
And smile in slow motion
With eyes in love

I twist like a corkscrew
The sweetness rising
I drink from the bottle, weeping
Why won't you last?
Why can't you last

So i will walk without care
Beat my snare
Look like a man who means business
Go to all the poshest places
With their familiar faces
Terminate all signs of weakness
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love

I will take my coffee black
Never snack
Hang with the wolves who are sheepish
Flow through the veins of town
Always frown
Me and my mistress, the princess
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love

So the day noah's ark floats down park
My eyes will be simply glazed over
Or better yet
I'll wear shades on sunless days
And when the sun's out, i'll stay in and slumber
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love
All for the sake of a foolish love

Cause i don't want to hold you and feel so helpless
I don't want to smell you and lose my senses
And smile in slow motion
With eyes in love.

-Rufus Wainwright

ruminations in rendezvous

1) you gotta love the guys at rendezvous. I've never met a bigger bunch of clowns in my life. i'm sitting here writing a paper and one of them's belting "maria maria!!!" the santana song from the back room, the other's banging on the countertop, bread and capers and lettuce flying everywhere, one of them's speaking rapidly in french to the girl next to me, spittle flying in her hair. It's a monday morning and it's very, very slow. I just asked for a Mango chiller and the greek guy I always see behind the counter with a completely blank facial expression goes, "no." I had just walked a mile from my house and back again because I forgot my wallet, so I'm red in the face and panting, and I go, "uh, please?" And the guy goes, "If you that thirsty, why don't you just get some water?" And I go, trying to be as polite as possible, "Because I don't want water, I want a mango chiller?" This goes on for a good minute, until his stone face cracks and he shrieks, "AHHHH!! MANGO CHILLER!!!!" I jumped about 3 feet in the air. Then he heckled me a little more, just for kicks. "I make it good for you, special, because I like your sweater," he says, flashing me a toothy grin. "The next time I not be so nice." Ah, foreign humor...

2) I'm completely fascinated by the way we use visual and tactile adjectives to describe music. Ex: "warm cellos," "bright snare," "dark mood," "curving melodies." it adds such a clear mental element to visualizing sound. In the mixing process words like that fly out all over the place and I'm pretty attuned to them, but once in a while I actually stop to think about it and realize how interesting it is. I guess it beats trying to replicate the noise in my mouth when trying to describe it, because usually it's laughably inaccurate and i end up looking like a fool. I would love to have synesthesia. Hearing colors and patterns whenever you listened to music would be the most awesome disorder ever.

3) All right, spring. Where the hell have you been? It's the end of march and I'm still putting up with your bullshit. Now you listen, you get here within the next couple weeks or I will personally go up there and drag you out from behind the clouds with my own two hands. I'm serious.

4) Figure skating is so awesome. I watched the couples world championships on TV last night and i was completely enthralled. I never realized what an art it is, how many factors actually go into the judging process. This couple from China performed their routine PERFECTLY, like, not an elbow out of place; they were technically flawless. But this Russian couple who went right after them flubbed once on a double axel and STILL got a higher score on their routine because they "elicited more emotion" in the judges. I was floored. Putting aside all my thoughts on race and the questionability of judged sports...it also made me think that it's just like music - technicality only accounts for so much, unless you've got some kind of authenticity or soul it means nothing. Makes me think about how the goal of all art is to elicit emotion or thought in the viewer/reader/listener. Cool.

FIN!

when you're talking to someone, talk to them.

i never want to have a meaningless conversation again. I don't know what it is sometimes - you see the person there but you know that they're really somewhere else, they're just filling up the space between you and him or her out of a feeling of obligation or self-interest or boredom. I understand much of it has to do with the context of the situation and what kind of a day they're having and the necessary stage of getting past formalities and what not. And I'm certainly not imposing unconditional wide-eyed interest as a go-ahead for me to want to get to know someone better. But it is a nice feeling to know you're not just talking for the sake of talk. Wanna have a conversation? Let's have a real one. You don't even have to say that much, just be sincere. Please, let's be candid and interested and openminded and present. I don't care how important you are or how many gold rings you're wearing or how many shows you've been in or played. Don't talk to your beer or the TV or the person behind me or ask me what my name is five times. It's insincere and it's irritating.

matt jones.

hokay. so. once in a while, I get so worked up about a certain musician that I will want to shamelessly tell everyone and anyone who will listen about them. Fellow ann arbor-ite Matt Jones is one of these people. those who know me can tell you that I've pretty much become an evangelist about Matt's music, but in all seriousness, i can't speak highly enough of him; the man puts so much heart and beauty into his songs and I'm continually amazed at whatever he comes up with. He's a master at creating mood; the arrangements of the warm cellos and guitars, the dark imagery of his lyrics, and the melodies!! are entirely spellbinding. Every single morning this week i've sat riveted in front of my speakers listening to the tunes on myspace from his upcoming record, also being made with Jim. Naturally, he's being courted by a few labels right now, so it might be a while before the album drops, but when it does...let's just say, the tectonic plates underneath us are going to shift...just you wait and see. All right, I'll stop slobbering over Matt...but please, do yourself a favor and check him out right HERE. My favorites - "Threadlines" and "One cotton shot short."

"that's right, i'm cutting loose from winter
i'll leave you frozen in ponds and city lights
for christ's sakes, your booze hound's hungry
feed her nothing at all, let your fingers fight."

Weng Weng!!

"Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else in the world."

-George Bernard Shaw

effortless mastery.

"As musicians/healers, it is our destiny to conduct an inward search, and to document it with our music so that others may benefit. As they listen to the music coming through us, they too are inspired to look within. Light is being transmitted and received from soul to soul. We must descend deep into the ocean of the inner self while the sludge of the ego floats on the surface. We let go of our egos and permit the music to come through us and do its work. We are the INSTRUMENTS for the work.

If we can live in this realization, we will constantly have deep motivation for what is played, never getting stuck in the ungrateful consciousness of good gigs/bad gigs, out-of-tune pianos, low fees, ungracious audiences, and so on. Instead, our minds will be consumed with what a very great privilege it is to be the one selected to deliver the message to others. There is no good/bad music. Instead, our hearts and minds will be focused on the task of remaining empty and alert to receiving this God-inspired information and translating it faithfully, without any coloration from us."

-kenny werner (music buddha)

friends.

Where would I be without them?

spreeeeeeng!!!

today i was woken up by a BIRD out my window!!

it's 50 degrees and sunny!!

people are playing music on the diag!!

boys are jogging and playing catch by our porch!!

it's all happening!!!!

thoughts can become things!

I'm eating lucky charms and reading this book called The Secret right now. Really good stuff. All about the laws of attraction in the universe and how our thoughts can shape our destiny, how thinking positively will bring positive things to happen to us, and so on. here're some stuff I especially liked....

"our job as humans is to hold on to the thoughts of what we want, make it absolutely clear in our minds what we want, and from that we start to invoke one of the greatest laws in the universe, and that's the law of attraction. you become what you think about most, but you also attract what you think about most." -bob doyle.

So, your life right now is a reflection of your past thoughts. That includes all the great things, and all the not-so-great things. Since you attract to you what you think about most, if you think about what you want in your mind, and make that your dominant thought, you WILL bring that to life. thoughts can become things. "if you see it in your mind, your'e going to hold it in your hand."

Another thing I found interesting was their saying that thoughts are magnetic; that thoughts have a frequency. As you think, those thoughts are sent out into the universe, and they magnetically attract all like things that are on the same frequency. everything sent out returns to the source - you. this way, you can attract the good instead of the bad. if you think of yourself living in abundance, you are powerfully and consciously determining your life through the law of attraction. the problem is, most people are thinking about what they don't want, and they're wondering why it shows up over and over again.

when you focus your thoughts on something you want, and you hold that focus, you are in that moment summoning what you want with the mightiest power in the universe. quantum physicists say that the entire universe emerged from thought--you create your life through your thoughts and the law of attraction.

It's in so many religions and can be found in any kind of art, film, or music. banish all the bad energy, Let it go. Throw it out. Embrace the good, the present, the real, the tangible. you can THINK your life into existence. as long as your'e thinking, the law of attraction is working. whether you're thinking about the past, the present, or the future, the laws of attraction are working. we're thinking most of the time, so we should make sure our thoughts are good. you CREATE your life with your thoughts. because you are always thinking, you are always creating. What you think about the most or focus on the most, is what will appear as your life. If you convince yourself you're going to do a good job on your final, you will, because those positive energies will naturally gather around your positive state of mind. Same for anything else in the world anybody else might want.

it's so uncanny but it's been working. all the signs turned to "walk" when I was crossing the street today. A bus seat opened up right as I got on. The skies were clear and spring seemed closer than it ever has before (thank GOD.)

hmm.

some typical conversations between me and jenny armstrong

Me: "Why is seldom a word? Was it necessary for the English language to come up with another word for 'rarely'?"
Jenny: "I think seldom's a great word. I don't know. I hear it, and I just...like it. Maybe because I hear it so seldomly."

Me: "Isn't it weird how anything can be made out of soy beans? Like, tofu's made from soy beans. Soy milk is made from soy beans. Veggie burgers are made from soy beans."
Jenny: "People are made out of soy beans."
Me: "...What? no they're not..."
Jenny: "Oh yeah, that's like, calcium..."

Me: "You're so good at finding common ground with people."
Jenny: "Nah, I just come from a long line of small talk-ers."

Jenny: "Hey, look, it's Michael Capo!" (with reference to our friend Michael Cappo, seeing my capo on the shelf.)

girly man! man! man!

it's been a rough winter. it's so easy to get sucked into your own little world when it's cold outside and forget to look around you and appreciate the things you've overlooked since you started hating being outside. The harmonica guy on the Diag. The squirrels that you almost miss since it got cold. (Speaking of squirrels, I had an intense dream last night about my house and my car being infested with squirrels and the only way to get rid of them was to catch them and put them in glass tubes...weird. Anyway...) But last night made me realize how important it is to surround yourself with good times and good people to maintain a healthy state of mind. Went to the gold party and watching Antony's band play, feeling the energy they brought, was just so inspiring and awesome. Being around all of our friends and dancing like maniacs to them and Something Different in the Homemade Jam. That was so needed. made me remember how fun college is when people's energies are up and excited to be alive.

I also played a show last night with Mick Bassett and his band the Marthas. Wonderful, raw, innovative rock and roll. the tightest band I've seen in a while. 2 trombone players! Plus everyone in the band plays every instrument, and the whole show they were round-robining and killing it on everything they touched. Awesome arrangements, awesome music...check them out.

I'll leave you with this Indian version of "thriller" that encapsulates everything I love about bollywood and pop culture in general.

i'm never speaking up again

It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than he desert me

oh, i'm never speaking up again
starting now...

AAAHHHHHHH